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Author's Note: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia, and I write in their universe with permission.

Original post is here. I apologize in advance for this. G rated. Unbetad.

* * *

"Back!" Vania called as she stepped through the portal. "The HFA staff dude was way too excited to give these Muggle-use wands away, so I'm pretty sure they're going to cause some horrible problem at the worst possible time!"

"So, the same as everything else we use on missions, then."

"Oh, yes."

"At least we're being consistent, then." Doc grabbed all seven Harry Potter novels and began storing them in various pockets.

"Oh, you found a fish for the mini! Where'd you get that?"

"What?" Doc glanced towards the glow of their mini-Hound of the Baskervilles, which was gnawing on a long, greenish fish. "Oh. No, I didn't notice he had that."

"Ah. 'Cause it's . . . kinda getting fish blood all over the floor."

"Sorry, Vania. I really don't know where he got that!"

"Eh, it's been a while since a capillary towel had a cameo, anyway. We'll find one after we get back and clean up then."

* * *

Doc and Vania tracked two characters down a hallway in Hogwarts, followed by a mini-Aragog that had been created.

"A Leanne luster!" whispered Vania. "Got to give points for writing something original."

"Let's not call it 'lust' for underage schoolgirls," Doc muttered, writing down charges.

"Still, though, most people don't even know her name! She's just 'that-girl-who-was-walking-next-to-Katie-when-she-got-cursed.' Whoa! What?"

Leanne had just been smacked in the face with a fish.

"I wasn't watching the Words. What caused that, Doc?"

"I didn't catch it. Let me read it over again."

While he was doing so, Vania continued watching the students and frowned. Leanne was rubbing her nose, and the Sue had grasped her by the shoulders and was checking her face for injury. "Weird. Sues don't usually notice when their typos make stuff like that happen."

"I'm not seeing where—Raugh!" Doc jumped and flinched as a cold, wet something flopped against the side of his neck.

Vania bent down and picked up the flopping fish. "It's a salmon . . ." She shrugged.

The Sue called out in her off-timber voice. "What are you doing there? Spying on us?"

"Great. Stupid fish." Doc turned back to the first page of charges. "Carline Amanda Roberts, you are charged with—Agh, gosh darn it!" he yelled as a wet fish slapped the papers out of his hand and stuck them together. The mini-Aragog seized the fish and sunk its mandibles in.

Vania smirked. "'Gosh darn it?' Really?"

The hallway began to fill with the sound of splatters as fish began to pelt the bricks from . . . no clear source.

"Why are you doing this?" Doc asked the Sue.

"Don't look at me! My story did NOT include FISH RAIN."

"Come on!" Leanne shouted over the splats. "The Room of Requirement!"

"But you shouldn't know about that until sixth year!"

"Deal with it! I'm finally the main character in a fanfiction, and I'm milking it for all it's worth!"

* * *

As the four human characters had mutually needed a room with no fish as they approached the door to the Room of Requirement, that is exactly where they found themselves. (The mini-Aragog hadn't finished draining its fish dry yet, or it might have caused a problem.)

Yes, they found themselves in a tiny room with no fish. For about two seconds, before the salmon onslaught began again.

"They're coming from everywhere and nowhere!" Carline whined, as the spider scaled the wall behind her. Leanne was deflecting as many as she could with her wand; the agents' wands were, as predicted, useless.

"You're a Sue! Do with the plotholes or something!" Vania demanded.

"Huh? Oh, right!" Carline waved her arms and fingers in a swooshy motion. Some of the salmon began to disappear between wilvery lines in the air before they hit anyone. "Nice!" cried Carline.

But then, the salmon began bouncing in and out of the shimmers in the air, ultimately filling the small space with fish even more than before.

"Making it worse!" Doc warned.

"Ugh! Whatever." Carline threw up her hands, and the plotholes vanished. Some of the fish were tossed up into the air and landed in a web the mini-Aragog had spun.

"Yesssss, Precioussssss," the spider hissed as it closed its appendages around the flopping animal. "Tasssssty fishesssss!"

The PPC agents looked at each other. Doc turned to Carline. "For the first time in history, the PPC is requesting for you to make more typos."

Carline quirked her head. "Typos?" She glanced at her erstwhile girlfriend. "Like, Leann?"

A new mini-Aragog appeared, and immediately started to crawl up to its comrade's web.

"Whoa," said Carline. "I didn't know I could do that."

"More! Hurry!" Leanne called. "We're up to our ankles in fish!"

"And up to our noses in fish smell," Vania added.

"Uh. Dumbledoor? Minstery of Magic . . . Avada Cadaver!"

All the miniature Acromantulas set to work stringing the room with webbing. But it could only last for so long; soon, the spiders' webs began to bulge with weight, their bellies began to fill, the humans found the salmon reaching above their waists. Leanne was trying to reach the door, blasting at the thick wetness of the fish pile with her wand in order to walk.

"We have to portal back to HQ!" Vania said, digging into her pocket.

"It won't work," said Doc, shaking his head. "This is probably where the mini-Hound's fish came from."

"Oh," Vania said quietly. She had finally managed to get the RA out and above the line of sea life. "It's totally fried by all the dampness, anyway."

Suddenly, a blue doorway opened into the room. Fish began to spill out through the new entrance.

"We're saved!" Vania cried. She tried to jump for joy, but failed under the weight of the fish surrounding her legs. "SpecOps is here!"

"You are not needing Special Operations," Séverine said, stepping over the fish to show an army of agents bearing the same orange honeycombed fungus flashpatch. "The Cafeteria is here, and I understand we will all be having seafood this week."

Author's Note: Capillary towels were created by Sedri and Trojie. The Harry Potter series, Leanne, Acromantulas, Hogwarts, wands and the Room of Requirement belong to J.K. Rowling. Mini-Aragogs were created by Meir Brin. Obviously, none of the named minis in this story count as real, since they were made up by me, rather than being found in a badfic.
doctorlit: (Default)
Author's Note: This ficlet was written in response to a prompt posted to the Board by SeaTurtle: "One of your agents deals with one of their fears." It was part of a larger thread full of writing posts, which itself began as a writing game in the #rudi's room of the Discord chatroom.

Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia, and I write in their universe with permission. The Harry Potter series, Professor Lockhart, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and boggarts belong to J.K. Rowling. This interlude is rated G, unless you speak British English, in which case it contains a swear. This story had no beta.

* * *

"Augh, Merlin, the Professor has to be around here somewhere." Doc pulled one of Lockhart's larger portraits away from the wall to glance behind it.

"Have you noticed," Vania asked, "that you have a tendency to imitate the local speech style whenever we go somewhere?"

"I don't know what you're bloody talking about."

"Right." Vania rolled her eyes and continued checking the drawers of Lockhart's desk. "Why does this guy need so many copies of his own books?"

Doc dramatically threw open the door panels of a large cupboard in the back of the room. "Hey, I think I found the plothole! I can hear something . . ." He peered closely into the darkness.

A tumbling cloud rose into the air around his head, buzzing furiously.

"Aaaaaah! It was beeeeees!" Doc started a frantic run around the entire Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, flailing his arms in the air while the insect swarm pursued. "I thought it was a ploooooothole but it was only beeeeees!" Doc ended by flinging himself out of the huge window that dominated one wall of the classroom. The bees returned to the cabinet while Doc called, "Aaaaaah! Castles are actually kind of shaaaaaarp in placeeeeees. I feel like I should have knoooooown this alreadyyyyyyy . . ."

Vania gently closed the drawer she had just opened and started heading for the cupboard, a thoughtful look on her face. "You know, I can't for the life of me . . ." She frowned. "I just can't recall what my worst fear is."

She peered into the shadows of the cupboard.

". . . Huh. So that's what a boggart looks like."

* * *

Author's Note: Obviously, it's not entirely appropriate for a PPC agent to have knowledge of something that's never appeared in canon, like the actual appearance of a boggart. Don't worry; Vania will never tell.
doctorlit: (Default)
Author's Note: Written for this game of Fill the Plothole. Everything from the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling. The Chronicles of Narnia belongs to the estate of C.S. Lewis.

“SLEEPING BLONDE BEAUTY” by Altariel-Jaina
The spell of the moon...Draco Malfoy was having a good day when Longbottom did IT.Now,all they have to do is find Draco's true love.The problem is everybody wish to get inside his pants but no one inside his heart...or do they?slashHD

[This story broadcast in HD where available.]


Draco Malfoy had been walking around the back of the stands to reach the Quidditch pitch when he heard someone whispering to him from underneath the seats. He stopped and listened; a short figure moved forward out of the shadows. Malfoy couldn’t have expected the face that revealed itself.

The face was covered in white makeup, with bright red on the lips. The nose was covered by a big red ball. The face was surrounded by an orange wig of frizzy hair above, and a frilly white collar below. “Hiya, Malfoy!” the figure said in a raspy voice. “Aren’t you going to say, ‘Hello?’”

Malfoy was dumbfounded. “. . . Longbottom?”

Neville tossed an unfolded balloon animal at Malfoy’s feet. “A snake certainly does have a long bottom! Aha! Aha!” Neville squeaked the clown nose in time to his laughter.

Malfoy looked around. He didn’t see anyone else. Had someone jinxed the Gryffindor? Malfoy had certainly never seen Longbottom smiling for so long.

“Has your pitiful life finally driven you completely mad, Longbottom?”

“My name is Pennywise, the dancing clown!”

“Yes, fascinating. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Quidditch to practice.”

“But don’t you want a balloon?” Longbottom was now inexplicably holding a bundle of balloons by their strings. “Look! They FLOAT!”

“Where are you getting these?” Malfoy shouted, furious.

“We all FLOAT down here!” Longbottom shook the balloons desperately.

Malfoy turned to go, but as he walked away, he felt the sensation of something being pulled out of his pants pockets. He glared and spun around, coming face to face with the Weasley twins.

“Well, it was a fine plan,” said George. “Just didn’t quite work out.”

“You did great, Neville,” added Fred.

Malfoy was looking back and forth between the twins. “Do you mean to tell me,” he seethed, “that this was all just a plot to steal my wallet?”

“Well, you are rich,” said Neville, blushing through the clown paint.

Author's Note: It was created by Stephen King. The original link to the following story is lost.

“The Mirror” by o0NarnianLullaby0o
When Clary and Isla Kennedy are taken aboard the Dawn Treader, they find something more amazing than they could've ever imagined. A mirror that shows what you want the most. But the girls didn't even know that love was what they wanted... AU

The sisters had been wandering around the Dawn Treader since their arrival on the ship. To their utter disappointment, the majority of the ship’s cabins were either empty, or worse, filled with equipment or supplies. They were just giving up on finding anything amazing and magical when they opened the door to one room in particular.

“Like, whoa! Check it out, Clary! A magic mirror!”

“Totally, Isla! Like, mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the hottest one of all?”

“What’s that writing at the top? Mirror of . . . Erised?”

“Dude, it’s an Italian mirror. So chic.”

“No way, Clary! That’s so totally French.”

As the girls walked closer to the mirror, however, each saw something a little different in the reflection.

Isla cried, “Oh, it’s that total hunk from school!”

Clary sighed, “It’s that dreamy stud that runs the Cinnabon register at the mall!”

The sound of the door opening behind them broke both girls out of their reverie.

“Terribly sorry to intrude,” said Professor Dumbledore, “but I seem to have—Ah! Yes, there it is.” With a flick of his wand, the mirror levitated off the floor and headed for the door.

Dumbledore followed after it, but turned back in the door frame. “Incidentally, you young ladies ought to go home. Before you . . . as they say, mess something up?” He smiled politely, raising his eyebrows. Then he left.
doctorlit: (Default)
Author's Note: Written during this game of Fill the Plothole. All Harry Potter elements belong to J.K. Rowling. The original fanfiction has been deleted.

"Setting Severus Snape Up" by Azuria Asiyarana Annabellah
Harry, Ron and Hermione have decided to place an advertisement in the Daily Prophet under the Singles' Column. Their mission: To find a perfect lady companion for their Potions Teacher, the one and only Severus Snape. But things soon get out of control!

“Blimey,” breathed Ron, peeking out from behind the curtain. “Look at all the applicants!”

“Who would have thought so many women would be interested in dating Snape?” wondered Hermione.

“Well,” said Harry, “we did make him sound rather more . . . appealing than he really is.” He turned to his friends. “You guys ready for this? It’s time for part two of Operation: Mellowing out the Git.” Hermione and Ron nodded, and Ron pulled the curtains fully open.

The Room of Requirement had provided them with a simple table set with three chairs; Professor Snape’s potential dates were lining up from outside. The three students took their seats, and Harry called the first name on the list. “Sybill . . . Trelawney? Professor, what are you doing here?”

Professor Trelawney pushed through the crowd. "Oh! Oh, Harry! I saw—yes, I saw—I was meant to come here, I came to warn you, yes! A great danger—"

“Next.”

“Evil shall beset you from—"

“Neeeeext.”

“Darkness is—”

“Hem-Hem.”

Professor Trelawney spun and shrunk away from the woman standing behind her.

Harry narrowed his eyes. “Umbridge.”

“I believe you mean Professor Umbridge, Harry dear.”

“D’you really think we would say yes to you? After everything you did last year?”

Umbridge took on a look of mock sorrow. “I only did what I had to in support of the Ministry. I’m sure there are no hard feelings.”

“Next.”

Umbridge pouted and turned around, driving Professor Trelawney before her as she left.

Hermione took the list of names. “Is there a Miss—of the West?”

“Oh, please, just call me Elphaba.”

Ron’s mouth gaped. “Your skin is—smooth!” He had changed what he was going to say when Harry’s foot had kicked him under the table.

Hermione looked confused as well. “Why are you dressed like—well, like a witch?”

“Oh? How do you mean?” asked Elphaba, spreading her robes and coughing. “These were gifts from a friend. I am a witch, though.” She coughed again.

“Are you okay?” asked Hermione. “Here. Have some water.” She conjured a glass cup and filled it.

Elphaba’s face drained to a paler green. “Oh, I’m quite all right. Thank you anyway.” She edged away from the table.

“Oh, no, please! Help yourself,” Hermione replied, holding the glass out to the woman.

Elphaba only backed away faster, heading for the door. “Um, actually, I . . . I just remembered, I need to go . . . meet someone! Sorry!”

The three students watched her go. “Well,” said Ron, “that was . . . Who’s next?”

“I am,” said a woman in a dark blue coat and skirt, holding an umbrella. “Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way.”

“Miss Poppins, your submission says you’re a nanny,” Harry said. “Are you good with children?”

“Most certainly.”

The three friends looked at each other. “That won’t do,” said Hermione. “Snape hates children.”

“Well, I certainly don’t hate children,” began Mary Poppins, “but I never said I particularly liked them. I think one needs to treat children strictly, so that they learn what’s proper.”

“Never mind Snape, then,” Ron stated. “Let’s introduce her to Filch instead.”

A voice squawked out, “Don’t you believe a word of it! She loves each and every child she’s ever cared for! Why, you should have seen—” The voice was silenced as Mary closed two fingers over the beak of a plastic parrot’s head on the handle of her umbrella.

“That’s quite enough of that, thank you,” she said quietly.

“Blimey,” said Ron as he leaned over the table. “I wish Dad were here. He’d love to see a charmed umbrella!”

“Pardon?” asked Mary. “Charmed?”

“To make it talk like that!”

“Now, young man, you’re certainly old enough not to be telling ridiculous tales about talking umbrellas.’

Ron and his friends exchanged puzzled glances. Hermione said, “Your umbrella was just talking, ma’am. We all saw it. It was magic!”

“Well, goodness gracious,” Mary said, opening the umbrella above her head. “And here I thought you seemed such nice young people. If you’re going to go on and on about silly make-believe magic, I shall simply have to leave.” With that, she flew out the door.

Ron stared at the door in puzzlement as another candidate pushed into the room.

“Hi, Vampire!”

Harry banged his forehead against the desk. “I give up. We’re closing down.”

Author's Note: The Elphaba incarnation of the Wicked Witch was developed by Gregory Maguire, although the character was originally created by L. Frank Baum. Mary Poppins was created by P.L. Travers and belongs to her estate. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way belongs to Tara Gilesbie.
doctorlit: (Default)
Author's Note: Written during this game of Fill the Plothole. Everything from the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling.

"Hogwarts Gets Sex Ed" by Chaos-in-Sync
Hogwarts gets sex education,and Snape's the teacher for the job.What could possibly go wrong- especially when the Gryffindors and Slytherins are supposed to take the class together? These are the days leading to it and the countless challenges.

The Potions classroom was under a gloomier cloud than usual that day, the day Snape would remember all his life as the source of his greatest headache.

The third year boys of Gryffindor and Slytherin were assembled in the dungeon. Aside from the sniggering grins on Crabbe and Goyle, every face betrayed shock and revulsion. Blaise was casting baleful scowls up and down the desks, as if daring anyone to try talking to him today. Neville Longbottom, convinced that only a Boggart could be responsible for this situation, was frantically patrolling the room with his wand. Perhaps the greatest sign of distress, however, was when the eyes of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy met, and the two exchanged a look of sympathy.

When Professor Snape strode into the room, fierce and silent, an uneasy stillness settled over all—except for Neville, who decided he had finally located his boggart, and pointed his wand at Snape, crying, “Riddikulus!”

Snape’s sour expression betrayed no reaction to suddenly wearing Augusta Longbottom’s hat. “I’m going to ignore that,” he said, “only because this day cannot get any worse than it already was.”

As Dean and Seamus pulled Neville down into a seat, Snape flicked his wand at the wall, and the first image appeared, triggering a chorus of groans, feigned retching, and other sounds of disgust. Despite these noises, the tone of his voice never wavered, nor did his eyes leave the wall in the back of the room.
doctorlit: (Default)
Author's Note: Taken from this Fill the Plothole game. Everything from the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling.

"The Life I'll Live" by BleedingxRedxSkies
Draco met Deanna, a Slytherin like him, during their 1st year. They became very close and knew they were in love during 1st and 2nd year. Then-3rd year. Deanna was gone and never came back. Until 7th year. Draco wants to know the truth on why she left him

Draco Malfoy began his seventh year at Hogwarts wearing a gloomy expression at Slytherin table in the Great Hall. His parents were in a constant state of tension thanks to the increased activities of the Dark Lord. Draco was happy to get away from home, where the Dark Lord had been staying.

The absence of Harry Potter and his pair of friends from the Gryffindor table was an additional source of relief. With them on the run, Draco might even be able to enjoy this last year at school. All the tables, aside from his own, were obviously missing some of their usual inhabitants. Draco began scanning the room, seeing what other annoying students he would be spared the company of.

It was at his own table that he saw something that made him gasp. It wasn't the absence of a face, but the presence of one which had been missing a long time—since Draco's second year, in fact. That had been the year Draco and Deanna had admitted they were in love. Draco hadn't seen her again after that; and now, here she was again, sitting at the Slytherin table as though she had never been missing at all.

Crabbe and Goyle were too busy eating to have noticed Draco's gasp, and they paid no attention now as he stood up and walked silently to where Deanna was sitting. As she turned to him, Draco saw the changes the past four years had inflicted on her. She was older, of course, taller and with more defined features. She was also, oddly, far more muscular than the daughter of pure-blood wizards would ever be expected to be. Deanna's once pale face was now tan, almost dark. That face now lit up into a smile as Deanna recognized Draco.

"Draco! I wasn't sure you would be here!"

"Deanna. Where have you been?"

Deanna smiled. "Well . . . you won't believe me."

"Of course! Of course I will," Draco said impatiently.

"Well . . . we went to the Arctic."

". . . What?"

"My family! We all went to the Arctic during the summer after my second year. We rented a yacht from a Muggle dealer, and went sailing up to the Arctic. We went hiking around across the ice, but then we fell through! There were patterns scrawled into the ice down there, and it looked like goblin! We thought it might be talking about a treasure, so we memorized what it said as best we could before we tunneled through the ice and back out. The message said something about Peru, so we got back to the boat and headed for South America. Another boat showed up on the way, and we thought it would be the Muggle collecting more money for his boat being rented longer, but it was actually Somali pirates! They were after the treasure, too! So we had an amazing boat-to-boat duel, with the pirates using guns, and my family using wands! Mom got shot in the shoulder, but we managed to sink their boat! We reached the mainland in time to get Mom's shoulder treated by some "witch doctor" guy, who's sort of a Muggle that knows about Herbology. We traded him our snowsuits from the Arctic in exchange for some llamas, which we started riding through the Andes. We eventually came across an ancient temple, and when we went inside, there were decomposed bodies wearing Nazi uniforms everywhere! We kept going deeper, and it looked like the Nazis had triggered all the traps, but I almost got caught in one they had missed, and swords came out and cut me—here, on my chin—but we got past them all finally. In the bottom chamber of the temple, there was a golden statue of a guinea pig. Dad picked it up, but when he did, a horrible shriek filled the air, and something started clawing at the back wall. We all ran out, with this huge something following us the whole way. When we got out, the Muggle boat dealer was there, with a bunch of armed men. It turns out, he had sent the Somali pirates, and had even suggested we go to the Arctic in the first place hoping we would find that ancient message! His men captured us and took the golden guinea pig, but they didn't think to take our wands away, and we managed to escape that night. We stole our llamas back, and tried to get back to our yacht, but the pirates had already taken it aboard their battleship. Then the witch doctor reappeared, and said that there were more golden animals like the one we found, and showed us a golden llama statue he had had all along! He said it was important to find the rest before the pirates did, and told us to head for Mexico next, to look for the golden chicken! So we started off on our llamas again, heading north, trying to evade the pirates . . . "

Eventually, Deanna reached the end of her tale. ". . . the old witch doctor revealed that he was an alien, too! Then they all entered the giant spaceship and flew away!"

Draco blinked, and looked away. "So . . . you've been doing drugs for four straight years?"

"That too," Deanna admitted. She reached across the table, grabbed a poppy-seed muffin, and held it to her nose, inhaling deeply.

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